The Dalits

The Dalits

Note recent contortions in India, our Indo-European cousins as we know from language and culture, not like those Semitic fanatics. No one, of course, may allow their shadow to fall over the food prepared for a Brahmin since that would pollute it, and the Brahmin may no longer eat it. Right at the bottom of the rigorous caste system are the Dalits, the Untouchables, who clean toilets and perform other tasks I won’t clag up your memory with. The Dalits have recently started to convert in droves to other religions, especially Christianity and Buddhism, forsaking the incredible benefits of Hinduism and giving the ex Stuerm Staffel Pope, aka “God’s Rottweiler,” a fine recruitment opportunity. A number of Indian states have countered this threat to deprive them of their divinely ordained labor by re-defining religions, having to alter existing definitions of those in the Indian constitution to do it. (Robin Williams “The Iraqis are writing a new constitution? Hey, take ours. We’re not using it.”) Jainism (probably the world’s oldest surviving religion, characterized by extreme reverence for other living beings. They’re the folks that wear cotton masks to avoid inadvertently sucking in some helpless bug.) and Buddhism are re-defined as mere branches of Hinduism. They have not, so far, tried this tack on Christianity.

“Sorry lads, nice try but no cigar. Now get back to polishing that toilet till I can see my ass in it!” Sound familiar?

Good religions and bad religions – Who would Jesus bomb?

“When the emissary of President Kennedy arrived to brief de Gaulle (the French president) on the Cuban missile crisis, he brought with him a folder of photographs of the Russian-installed missiles on Cuba, but de Gaulle waved the folder away. "I do not wish to see the photographs," he said. "We accept the word of the president of the United States. Please tell him that we shall give him our full support." Those were the days!

One of the ineradicable traits of humanity is that once they've caught on to you as a pathological liar, they stop believing you…

The complex arguments on the "little jihad," resisting the annihilation of your community versus the "big jihad," resisting your urges for self aggrandisement, [and making an effort (the literal meaning of jihad), perhaps by giving up drinking, or smoking, to have the excellent one (i.e., God) not be too ashamed of his creation. The results of ignoring this possibility are fairly catastrophic.] are about to be rendered irrelevant by the latest initiative of the Bush administration, which is to re-translate the Koran, and change the educational system in Saudi Arabia. It really is intolerable that you should be dealing with a fixed text of 1400 years ago that every Moslem is obliged to learn in the original language. The new system will omit such concepts as "jihad" entirely, in order, to quote the BBC report on the subject, to "accustom young Saudis to the realities of the job market." Indeed, some of our leading experts on the "realities of the job market," Andy Fastow and the other Enron executives, may well be given the job of the necessary "counseling" to correct some of the outstanding misconceptions. Among these are that "democratization" means free elections, since the Shia majority might result in an Islamic republic, which we clearly can not allow.

Americans do not lie or cheat, as you do not seem to be aware. If you doubt this obvious truth, I invite you to sign on to the Publishers Clearing House to win one of their many multi-million dollar prizes. Cheating and lying is the exclusive activity of orientals, Arabs in particular, and Moslems above all. This is what made it necessary to appoint as head of the Iraqi Governing Council one Ahmed Chalabi, who transferred all depositors' assets from his Petra Bank to his Caribbean accounts and escaped disguised as an old woman in the boot of a taxi. It was his fearless description of the multiple weapons systems in Iraq, and their exact location, that allowed Rumsfeld to say "We know where they are," coyly referred to by the UK as "single source." That no Iraqi above moron level would trust him with a single piastre proves beyond doubt the benighted state of the Iraqi "insurgents."

Fortunately help is at hand. The re-organization of the Saudi educational system will punish as "support of terrorism" any monetary support of all those lads in skull caps rocking backwards and forwards as they memorize the Koran, since this is a "bad" religion, and force you, willing or not, to hand over your taxes to these other lads in skull caps rocking backwards and forwards as they memorize the Torah since this is a "good" religion. The current government of the US is reluctantly forced to adopt and enforce these measures since they are under oath of loyalty to the US constitution, which rigorously and unequivocally demands a separation of church and state.